Good day, sweet ladies who slay!
Yesterday I started a Facebook Group called Sober Single Moms in Business.
This is the group I’ve been looking for, but could never find.
Who are we? The best way to describe this group is to tell a little of my story. If you read to the end, and you’re still here, please join! 😀
The Top Three Reasons I Started a Facebook Group for Sober, Single Moms in Business
First, Single moms get shit done. (‘Scuze the French, but we do.)
Many women, including many single moms, have a close support system. They lean on others. This is a GOOD thing and something I need to learn to do more. Thus, the formation of this group.
The truth is, I’m a force. Not bragging, but I can do just about anything I set my mind to. A lot of single moms are forces.
We handle intense stuff on our own. Some other people look at my life and say “Girl, you need to slow down, you need more balance,” I laugh and think, “Well, then pile it on, because I need it to balance all I’ve got!” (FYI, there is no such thing as balance.)
Think of a tightrope walker. She needs even weight on both ends of the pole to stay on the cable. This is why single moms take on so much. Because we’re just trying to get across that line: Raise the kids, get the job done, reach financial goals, keep a nice house, be there for family and friends, date fantastic men… Whatever it is we’re trying to accomplish, we bring it. Because if we don’t give everything we’ve got, we waver.
We have to be strong because KIDS.
Kids provide the momentum.
I don’t know about you other single moms, but it’s in my nature to take things on. The single moms I know have full plates! People can rely on them. It’s important to me that I don’t flake out on people, and my pet peeve is when others do it to me.
If I say I’ll be there, I’m there. If I say no, it’s a “hell no.” If I say yes, it’s a “hell yes,” and you better trust me to get it done, because I don’t have time to give you progress reports. (I expect the same from my kids, God help them.)
I’m reliable because I have to be, and when people want something done, they call.
In a word, I’m a force. I’ll bet you are, too.
Second, besides being self sufficient, sober single moms are not chemically dependent on anything.
I stopped drinking wine because wine started to make my life lame.
It started sucking the joy from my life, minimally at first, then picking up speed in the last year of our relationship. I didn’t appreciate who was I was becoming, the way my kids rolled their eyes when I opened a bottle of wine, and the way I’d sit at my desk and work through the bottle, gazing at my computer with the uninspiring tunnel vision that creeps in when you’ve built up enough tolerance for alcohol.
Drinking just wasn’t fun anymore.
Tell me if you can relate… I was going down that road where alcohol wants more alcohol, and I was perfectly fine to flow right along with that for awhile.
Like a lot of other women who wine, I wasn’t a wreck.
I never dropped the baby or crashed the car. I still got a ton of stuff done. My marketing agency was thriving, and I liked the grind (or so I thought). I just drank wine. A LOT of it. I was a force, by anyone’s standards. (See Exhibit A, above.) But drinking wine was was “the one thing that I did for me.”
Now I don’t drink anymore because I retrained my brain and my belief system. It can be done, with a lot less drama than you might think! (A lot more on that topic in the Facebook group. It’s that important!)
I decided to enjoy sobriety in the same way, and with as much gusto, as I used to enjoy happy hour. I took from that space inside that wanted a glass of white wine at 5:00, and I turned around and delivered it right over to God.
I make sobriety sound simple because, for me, it was simple.
Making the decision to quit drinking was FAR from simple. But sobriety was ridiculously easy, once the decision was made.
Third, women who run businesses ROCK.
Women who own businesses run their lives like a boss. That’s just the way it has to be if the business is going to function, let alone succeed.
When you own a business, your personal habits and your professional habits are all rolled into one. You have to lose the drama, prioritize, get organized, and treat clients like family and/or your family like clients.
Can you see the similarities to recovery?
[Aside] Yes, in some ways I think of my children as my clients; the most important ones, certainly, but they are part of the whole package of “mom running a business.” Of course, with my kids, I show up with even more love and intensity than my business peeps. My children are very much part of the entrepreneur lifestyle because they are the reason I chose it in the first place. I needed the flexibility, the freedom, and the promise of unlimited potential income. My kids are my WHY.
A paycheck has never really appealed to me except in my most insecure, dark hours. My desire to support my family in a specific way is the reason I don’t keep a full time job. It’s the reason I started freelancing as a copywriter in the first place! (Another story for another time.)
I chose a home business. That means I compartmentalize some things, and integrate others (yay, barriers) if this whole lifestyle is going to work. You Mompreneurs get me on this, I’m sure!
Moms who run businesses, especially from home, must work through all the self-development stuff in order to be successful.
For me, I lean on my faith a lot. I care more about who I am in His eyes than any other view of me on this planet.
I also look to the experts. I read about personal and professional development. I follow blogs about leadership. I devour books and articles about successful people in contemporary society and throughout history.
Owning and running a business requires positivity, maturity, kindness, and responsibility for my actions and outcomes. There’s no passing blame, hiding, laziness, transferring bad juju, wasting others’ time, messing with others’ productivity and preferences, disrespecting differences in personalities and behaviors. You have to grow up, shed your biases, and see the good in all people. You also have to admit where you suck.
Your energy is intentional.
Finally, you hit the ground running every morning. You practice enthusiasm even if it means faking it, because people – i.e. the kids – are watching.
Women who own and run businesses crush it in other parts of their lives, too. I enjoy the company of women entrepreneurs better than just about any other people on the planet. I love learning from you and being around you. I don’t have time for competition because my personal goals are unique and EPIC, and depend on raising others up higher than myself. (Catty sisters, feel free to walk on by this Facebook group. We’re building something bigger.)
While I considered creating this Facebook group for sober, single moms of all kinds (who are welcome, by the way); it’s the business ownership criteria that really sets some women apart from others. If you identify with being a “Boss Babe” AND your a sober, single mom, this is your tribe.
It’s a super tiny niche – the intersection of sober moms, single moms, and entrepreneurs – and I can’t wait to meet you if you check all three boxes!
I also want to extend an invitation to people who don’t match all three criteria… PLEASE READ:
Maybe you found this group coming from a slightly different place…
It’s possible that you’re thinking about one or the other facet of this group and want to see what that’s all about.
Maybe you are thinking of ditching the day job and starting a business.
Maybe you’re thinking of trying sobriety and would like to leave your daily alcohol behind you.
Maybe, even, you are in a toxic relationship, and you’re searching for ways to revive love or move on alone. Either way, my hope is that you find strength and support.
You will see inspiring women in action. You may very well decide to jump in and test the waters in other areas. This is the place to explore your potential and support others with your story.