me-time

Why Doing What You Like To Do Gets Tricky In Life

July 25, 2018 by Admin Jen Leave a Comment

How often do you do things you really like to do?

Usually, people read things like this, and passively chalk it up as a reminder to actually do something they want to do some day soon, or to set some sort of new goal, or to simply enjoy life’s small pleasures.

But a couple of days ago, I saw this question and I stopped and gave it some thought. (It’s the “really” in that question that gets me.)

For real, this should be a DAILY occurrence, doing what you really like to do!

Sadly, I notice that it’s common, as people reach a certain age or stage in life, to taper down on making large, demonstrative choices about things that make them happy. So much hinges on what made us happy in the past, or what we know to do/practice in order to be happy — which is similar, but not really the same thing. These calculated activities hardly qualify because they’re based on what you learned over time, and require discipline.

In other words, we engage in behaviors that we know will contribute to our general happiness, health, longevity, relationships, financial security, etc. We do the things that are good for us, but the activities in themselves don’t instill feelings of delight or joy.

For example, I exercise because I want the heart health, muscle tone, and endorphins. But hitting the gym or taking a walk every day has become a habit. Yes, there’s also a social element to my fitness regimen. I see people I like while exercising, and I never regret doing it, so that makes me happy. But does this really count as doing something I “like”? Will I lie on my death bed and think, “I wish I’d worked out more (or less)?” Fitness is great, but over time it becomes nothing to write home about. It’s a part of the day that is enjoyable, but I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s something I like to do.

Am I being selfish to want more?

What about you? Are you doing things you “really” like to do?

And what about doing those things you like to do, that you know aren’t really going to satisfy in the long run? E.g. eating a sugary donut is something I like to do, sort of. I like it and hate it at the exact same moment, so I’m not sure that counts either.

A lot of people have the best intentions of doing more things that make them happy, but they stop themselves out of fear.

The fear of “What if…” makes doing what you like to do somewhat tricky.

What if I am being selfish pursuing this?

Am I stealing resources from another person or project which needs my attention and resources? Women especially are hardwired to associate their enjoyment of activities with family members and friends. What if doing what I like causes you to peel off from the usual crowd of loved ones? Sometimes doing your thing also takes financial resources. When your kayak purchase or weekly manicure puts the squeeze on your son’s club baseball allowance, which one do you choose? A “good mom” would defer to the son’s activity, right? And if the activity, however small eats into friend or family time together (even passive time together, like spending a weekend day putzing around the house and neighborhood, feelings can get hurt. The idea that we’re being selfish when we pursue things we like to do is a common fear.

What if I disrupt the flow of others around me?

We usually accommodate the way of the group because it’s easier to compromise than to assert what seems like your own selfish whims. If you’re committed to doing the things you really like to do, though, you might have to adjust to the fact that you can’t please everyone. In fact, doing what you want to do, or giving up on those things due to someone else’s expectations, will certainly cause some mutual annoyance at times.

Sometimes the thing that you really like to do is to refrain from doing what you don’t want to do. If you take a pass on attending a friend’s child’s destination wedding, would the world really end? Of course not. Your friend may be disappointed, but with enough notice, she’ll get over it. Communicate your intentions in advance, and you can usually curb any hurt feelings.

Ironically, it’s the small things that cause all the drama.

Stepping out of the flow of the pack – or even a single individual you love – takes some tact.

Have you ever been in a situation that starts with a minor conflict and explodes into a huge mess? As an example, you and your spouse are invited to a potluck over a holiday weekend. You hatch a plan. All you really want to do that Friday evening when you get off work is to bake a cake to bring. It’s a simple pleasure, a leisurely activity, and it’s all good, right? This qualifies as something you like to do – bake – and so you look forward to a couple of hours in the kitchen after a long work week. You stop by the store on the way home for ingredients and go home.

Just as you’re perusing your beloved, worn recipe books, your good-intentioned spouse arrives and informs you that he already assured the host you’d bring a salad, not a cake. So what do you do? You might feel stuck and frustrated. What started as and enjoyable activity becomes a chore you resent because it’s not what you intended. Instead of going ahead with plan A, and disrupting the flow of the others, you decide to accommodate them, rushing back to the store late at night and preparing a dish you don’t want to make.

Communication is honey that flows through the delicate hive of busy, intertwined lives.

Those who rely on us naturally come to expect certain behaviors and results from us. That’s just part and parcel to living in a community of any kind. If something is important to you, and you know you’re not the only player in the scene, speak up about your intentions as soon as they become clear to you.

You may feel like you have to meet another’s expectations simply because those expectations exist. (You don’t, actually.) Sounds like a small thing, but I’ve witnessed situations like the one above that start with a minor scuffle, and blow up into hurt feelings because of miscommunication. Expectations, both short term, or long-held, are always fair game for negotiation.

What if the daily pleasure becomes a chore from overuse and I don’t love it anymore?

The joy you hope to find in pursuing an activity can be a bar you set too high.

Truth is, you really should not overthink this exercise. Doing what you really like to do changes from day to day. A lot of goal-oriented, high achieving women and men jump into activities with an end game in mind. You don’t have to excel at this enjoyment thing. You just have to commit to doing things you like to do on a regular basis.

I have a friend who decided to gather some friends together and go bowling one night because he remembered how much he used to enjoy it in his college days. That very night at the bowling alley, he decided he would join a league and get his skills back. Before the night was over he was stressing about his schedule and how he’d find time to get across town for tournaments after work. This is not looking good, I thought.

Doing what you really like to do requires some sacrifice and lifestyle choices. It should never cause immediate stress when you think about it. If you start to taste blood when you imagine doing it, then it’s time to rethink the activity!

What if I think something’s going to make me happy but it doesn’t?

Well, do it anyway. The worst that can happen is you find you really don’t love hiking at sunset, or practicing your violin for an hour each day, or playing catch with your son. You try some things, you set aside a little time with the intention of enjoying them, and that in itself should feel like something positive.

It’s a myth to expect to feel happy every time you do something you like to do.

You may find you don’t really like doing it, or you don’t like doing it every time. So many variables can shadow your enjoyment: weather, technical difficulty, user errors, a 14-year-old’s surly mood. That’s OK. Some things you do anyway – because in theory, you like to do them, and that’s good enough – and you snatch a happy moment inside the icky parts, or later on when you recoup.

What if my choice of activities mean I’m alone – a lot?

By the way, this is me in major FOMO mode. If you can relate to this, then I feel you! We are social animals; at least I am. Sometimes if I am not enjoying an activity with another human being, it feels kinda weird. You may find that the things you like to do put you in public, but without knowing anyone while you’re there. Things you like to do are often enjoyed by others (Not necessarily those close to you, though!) The consequence is that you can either make friends while doing them, broaden your social circle to include a range of people to draw on, or be the contented lone wolf in the company of strangers.

People who take themselves on enjoyable field trips on their own are usually the types of people who make friends easily or are OK being alone in crowds. It’s OK being alone. You don’t have to collect friends every time you leave the house to pursue an activity on your own. You don’t have to come home with contacts and phone numbers and social media connections. Relax about the social part of this. Enjoy the friendships you make and your time by yourself.

People-people (you know who you are) leave this to chance. Enjoy the observation of yourself being one among many. If you’re naturally curious, and can’t imagine leaving the house without making a friend, learn to cultivate curiosity about yourself for once.

What if I run out of money?

It’s so cliché, but I’ll say it. The best moments don’t have to cost much.

Money is an interesting energy. You need a certain amount to feel security and abundance, which are requisite to enjoying even the simple things.

Yet the required amount is so variable among different people. Do you spend money on amazing experiences, decorations, travels and designer stuff? Maybe you invest in unseen pleasures, like costly tuition or donations to charity. Maybe you’re more like those happy-go-lucky ones who don’t have much money at all, yet always seem like they’re having a great time in life. Go figure.

Literally. Figure out what you need, what you need in order to enjoy freedom and snatch time to do what you really like to do. The money you make and have to spend may not have any correlation to what you like to do. That’s what’s so strange as we hustle to stay in abundance. You should at least take some time to figure out your equation.

I used to think I wanted a large house until I realized I can only live in one room at a time. That’s become a motto of mine. When my head starts going in circles about how I’m going to afford to live out my dreams and help my family reach theirs, and help all the causes I care about, and all the things I want and need, I remember this:

You can only live in one room at a time.

Yes, watching the lights glinting on the Seine from a balcony of a Paris apartment is exquisite. Find a way to experience all of your big dreams, including travel, and fast cars, and afternoons of reckless shoe shopping. I gotchu.

But there are other things that bring pleasure. There is starlight, there are fireflies, sparkly lights on the patio, and moonlight on the tub of melting ice. Sometimes that is enough. You be you.

What if I don’t get my work done?

While we’re using overused meme quotes, let’s just go there. In a perfect world your work is a reflection of your natural abilities and passions. When you’re working on something you love, it’s not like you’re even working. We’re all looking for work that feels like flow and brings in the bacon. But what if you don’t have that yet?

If you’re holding yourself to some high degree of output before you allow yourself to do something you like to do every day, then you are losing the battle. Adjust your priorities so that you can squeeze in blocks of time for things you like. You have to do things you really like to do in between all the other stuff.

Some people have so much work to do that they have no energy left to pursue the good stuff. That means they’re either working at the wrong thing, or depleting and abusing their natural resources.

You have innate strengths and skills that should be helping you to get your true work done, not drawing out when the time comes for you to shine.

Don’t try to fit another’s idea of what you should be doing if your natural abilities lie elsewhere. Otherwise, you’re never going to find the time to do what you like because your energy will be so gone every single day. Productivity advice only works if you understand how you naturally operate.

One more things, if your life is already too full with activities and work and people you don’t really like, then you’re doing life all wrong. You shouldn’t have to totally escape your regular life to grab an enjoyable moment. There, I said it.

What if my life becomes a series of completely disjointed, hedonistic activities?

This fear is legit. Chances are you have so many interests, ideas and friends that you find it difficult to piece together a coherent picture of who you are and where you’re going. But if you spend time doing things you like to do, shouldn’t there be a running theme? Otherwise, who are you, really?

What does it mean if you go to the opera one weekend, and try mountain biking the next? Does your sense of adventure or openness to new experiences make your head spin. Do you feel like you need something to show for all these escapades after a lifetime of unrelated pursuits?

Intentionality is part of the equation.

I felt this so strongly in the year after my divorce. I had plenty of friends and people with whom I could strike out on any adventure or outing I pleased. My kids kept me busy, too. I said yes to a lot of activities I would have previously declined. I even took jobs I knew weren’t for me just for something new to do. It was a year of experimentation.

Without intention, I ended up doing a lot of fun things, but could only piece together enjoyment of things I liked to do after they happened. I did not set out to create space for anything I really wanted to do; instead, I just sort of fell into them. This way of life took up a shit-ton of time and energy. I’d do things differently if I’d have known what I know now.

Sometimes high activity like this is fine. Accidental happiness and all that. But for a certain kind of person, too much random experience gets old fast. Part of your enjoyment comes from the anticipation of doing whatever it is you put on your calendar. Even if you don’t have the wherewith-all to actually block out time for each and every thing you think is going to bring some enjoyment, at least you’re leaning in to things you have chosen.

You want to constructively choose things you like to do; not just fall into them. While it’s okay, even preferable, to open yourself to new experiences if you’re not sure what you want, plan to bring this season to a close at some point. You are a unique an amazing creature in this world. There’s no one like you. Your intention and creativity brings purpose and fulfillment to every one of your experiences. Don’t fritter your time and justify enjoyment of it.

This is back door happiness at its best.

You’re bound to find yourself in a place where trying new things is exactly what heals your soul and sets you on a new path. There are stations in life where you’re open to everything, and then there are times you’ll want to start saying no again. Know when to pivot from this time of your life. Trust your instinct and prune your activities when you feel it’s getting out of hand.

Boundaries and editing become important after your season of saying yes.

And what if I don’t know what really makes me happy?

Shouldn’t you gather all your interests, and practice becoming an expert or a real aficionado? People who are experts at “doing what they really like to do” probably know themselves pretty well. Their enjoyment comes from acknowledging that life is fluid and fleeting, too.

We place a lot of emphasis on having something to show for our time and treasure. We do things for all sorts of reasons; to leave a legacy, to let off steam, to appreciate beauty as we see it, and to push our limits. We have sliding scale of enjoyment of our activities. Some days are better than others. Sometimes we are fully engaged in doing what we like. And somehow, some days, we don’t like it much at all.

Doing what makes you happy need not require much money, much time, nor much energy. But it should be a specific activity, entered into with the intention of enjoyment of some aspect of it, and carved out of the usual humdrum of the day… and it should make your heart feel like it has wings.

You’ll probably miss the mark some days, but you’ll know it when you feel it. Keep trying. Do something you think will make you happy… TODAY!

Two essential oil blends that inspire and accompany the enjoyable activities in your life:

In Touch™: Typically used for emotional balance and harmonizing the nervous system, In Touch contains the essential oils of vetiver, Melissa, Royal Hawaiian Sandalwood, Cedarwood, and Idaho Blue Spruce. All of these oils aid in calming and grounding your emotions and relieving feelings of stress.

En-R-Gee™: This blend improves one’s energy in a natural way without overstimulating or creating problems that may be uncomfortable. It may also help with mental alertness. A pure boost of energy comes from the mixture of Rosemary Cineol, Juniper, Lemongrass, Nutmeg, Balsam Fir, Clove, and Black Pepper. You’ll get the empowerment you crave, and a feeling of anchoring as you experience those meaningful pastimes.

Contact me to order either of these blends, or to get started with a Premium Starter Kit of Essential Oils.

Your turn.

I’m curious. How often do you get to do things you really like to do? How often is often enough? And what is that thing you like?

First Steps in Practicing the Art of Self Kindness

June 22, 2018 by Admin Jen Leave a Comment

Kindness is a virtue often bestowed on people who give it away.

We’re inspired by people who seem to ooze goodness and readily share it with the world. But you want to know who really inspires me? It’s women who are doing their best in every facet of life. They are taking care of themselves, their families, their businesses, their health, and their relationship with themselves and with God. All while being kind to others – and themselves.

There is no true balance between all of these things. There’s just a beautiful constellation made up of each of these things.

When I meet a woman who is really rocking this, the characteristic which seems to bind her success together is the kindness part. She knows how to dole it out while keeping some for herself.

For many years, I misunderstood what it meant to be kind to myself. Because of that, I missed out on being able to feel and show true kindness to others.

I sure did fake it really well, though.

Faking Kindness

Striving to be a good example of kindness is not kindness. Only by practicing kindness toward yourself, does it manifest in genuine ways toward others.

Instead of inner kindness, here’s what I did instead:

I studied and behaved like a solid (but not perfect) mom, at least in the eyes of others. Checking off all the boxes which made me the Proverbial “good wife,” I kept the children busy, clean, clothed and happy; running the household with efficiency and beauty, the while the husband traveled, worked, golfed, dined and played in foreign countries, etc. I stayed home (meaning I worked from home), yet drove everywhere, all the time. My strong suit was “flexibility” and selfless resilience.

Business was good when I ran my content marketing agency out of the back room. I was the most reliable business owner/content creator for my clients, meeting every deadline and communicating with goodwill. Business was built on integrity, so even when some of them forgot to pay me for my work, and missed scheduled phone meetings, I showed up. (That’s just the life of the freelancer, right?) I took all the social media marketing classes from the gurus to stay on top of marketing strategies for my business and clients.

When it came to friends and neighbors, I went out of my way to be a reliable person, and donned whichever hat seemed necessary, providing helpful hands at church and school. I stayed physically fit, did Jazzercise, provided healthy food and a clean house for family, company and friends. My children knew I’d be at school functions; I was room mom several times. I threw Christmas parties and always brought food when people invited us over. I did not miss birthdays. I strung lights and baked cookies.

It wears me out just reading over this.

Where was my failure then, if I succeeded in all of this? I was not happy and calm inside. In fact, I was seething under the surface. While giving my best to everyone else, I was unkind to the most important person – myself.

Shooting for peace, and missing.

Yes, I journaled, I prayed, I kept my endorphins happy five times a week through social events and workouts. And still… I was not really honest with myself, forgetting my own boundaries, saying yes to most things, and accepting bad behavior and dogma from people and institutions that let me down.

While I can live with that, there is another side of this story that I had to make peace with.

Those same people and institutions let my children down, too. School, church and extended family upheld their rules of engagement with my kids and me, while we struggled to play to their standards. I never let up. If I had to perform, well, then, we ALL had to perform. What a sham. I still have some mom guilt over this…

I see where I missed the connection. And the blame is mine. There can be no authentic relationships with people, schools or churches, when you’re not being honest with yourself.

Then, I did something. I finally stopped digging that hole that was shadowing me and my family.

Taking responsibility and turning the corner…

A turning point came when I stopped drinking wine in the evenings. I never could see quitting drinking as the “Event” it really was until a couple of years after my sobriety date. At the time, I thought I was just letting go of my “me time” to be a better mom.

I looked up from the hole, is all, and caught my son giving me a look I had never seen before. I decided to practice responsibility and accountability to my kid one evening on his first day of high school, nothing more than that. (That’s another story.)

Now, I know that I was ready. I had what they call a high bottom in the world of “gray area drinking,” as Jolene Park names it in an interesting Ted talk.

What really happened was I started practicing kindness.

What does it mean to step out of the hole and start practicing real kindness, when you’ve been behaving AS IF all along?

Kindness in Your Professional Life

First, doing business feels different, more genuine and authentic.

You start doing work you want to do, the way you want to do it.
You understand that there is room enough for everyone to do exactly what they want to do, and be rewarded for it.
You stop taking jobs because someone asks, and gravitate toward opportunities aligned with your heart. If you’re an employee, you may even find that you need to leave your job, because resent and dissatisfaction cost more than they’re paying you.
You start appreciating people who are happy in their work because they give you hope that you’ll feel the same one day.
You start paying attention to what you value because you are trying to replace the fake fun you had before with something that lasts.
You notice that you participate more fully in work relationships and the flow that comes from work you love.
You stop hurrying to get work out of the way because you actually begin to enjoy it.
You may even develop your entrepreneurial side because you are more in touch with yourself than ever before.

Kindness in Your Relationships

Second, your friendships and relationships transform. People who don’t resonate with the new you fall away. This may sound surprising, but it has less to do with alcohol and more to do with genuine friendship. There are people with whom I never drank (or never more than one glass of wine) that I can’t even talk to anymore. Others I genuinely love, and I can still go out and enjoy their company while they have drinks at a bar.

You’ll find that alcohol is not the common denominator, as many so people would have you believe. There’s a myth that you won’t go out with people you used to drink with when you become sober. That’s not true. There’s always the possibility that your drinking takes the edge off dealing with all your (dry) friends and family… and I say that without irony. I’m not saying people don’t mean well, and you certainly can’t blame anyone but yourself for your actions, but there’s some truth in this for many people.

Genuine mutual love and care between people doesn’t fade over your decision to drink or not to drink. Just know that some people will fade into the distance as you get on with your new life. And their presence is going to be the last thing you miss.

Kindness and Your Physical Health

The three things every body needs are good sleep, plenty of water, and breath. You’ll probably notice that after a couple of nights, you’ll be sleeping better than before. What a gift to your body and psyche!

You may also find that you feel good enough to begin an exercise routine. I love to move, and have a strong emotional and physical high when I work out, whether in the gym, on the trail or in a yoga studio. That will never change, because physical movement holds me together more than anything else in life. Working out helps revive a hangover, it’s true, and I was always surprised how I could spring out of bed and hit the gym hard after bottle of wine the night before. Still, you’ll find that exercise is easier, and you don’t sweat near as much as you did when you were drinking wine.

You’re going to feel better when you get up in the morning and your eyes will become brighter, your skin clearer, and you will feel and look more refreshed, even without exercise.

The sugar in wine also causes inflammation in your body, so when you stop drinking, you will notice a decrease in aches and pains. At first, you may just want to consume more sugar in other foods, but try not to gravitate toward candy. Instead, drink more water and flavor it with vinegar, lemon and turmeric to flush your system.

Kindness and Self Awareness

An amazing thing happened when I started practicing real kindness with myself due to sobriety. I learned how to engage in straightforward self-talk. I learned to identify lies when that little lying voice speaks. Yes, it still speaks, but now I’m able to tell the voice to go back to hell, and it stops.

I am also honest when I pray now, which is absurd to me that I could even think of hiding from God, who knows every hair on my head. In hindsight the truth is shocking; I kept up appearances with my Great Loving God for a long time, you better believe it.

Surprisingly, my goals are evolving. Dreams for my future no longer mimic what I see others doing. They are my own creation, which is new for me. I am not as jealous or envious anymore, although I still struggle with that.

One of the coolest developments in my personal life it that others’ problems are not my problems anymore. When offering help or services, the outcome doesn’t matter. I can send good vibes, without overthinking things. After delivering my level best, I can leave it where it lies. I don’t have to keep trying.

If my intentions are unclear to others, it’s OK, because finally, they are good enough for me.

A few years ago, I could not have imagined how good that feels.

True freedom is possible.

The freedom that comes with feeling good inside and the way you manage your work, your relationships, your tasks, and the daily routine of life, is something that evolves over time after you quit drinking – or stop any bad habitual practice, really – and start on a new path.

Life just feels better, and you know you’re on your way up and out. That’s the good news.

The other (harder) good news is that you have a lot of reparation to do. You have to discover for yourself a new way of handling your business, and showing up for your family. That “responsible” step I took to be a better mom did not immediately fix all that ailed my relationships with my kids and their dad. I discovered that true change takes awhile. New boundaries are put in place, and we have to be patient with each other while we figure out where they are for sure.

Because, let’s face it, in the past, those boundaries could change sometimes, right?

Your past doesn’t just disappear when you decide to turn a corner. You may enjoy your children, your clients, your friends more now that you’re sober, but the foundation shifts quite a bit.

Are you ready for these lasting changes? Trust me, it’s so worth it if you decide to say goodbye to your 5 o’clock bottle of wine.

First, a word about those drinking programs and meetings…

If you think you want manage your wine better, you might try what everyone says you should do, and attend some meetings. I attended meetings and disliked them – a lot.

They did not help me stop wanting my evening wine. I did not feel free from alcohol. In fact, meetings did the reverse!

I wanted to leave it all behind me, including any discussion of it. But meetings put me smack dab in the center of my relationship with alcohol. They did not release me, and they did not help me feel freedom. In fact, I felt worse about myself after attending meetings. “I’m so not like those folks,” I’d think. I’d even feel like swinging by the corner market and picking up my daily bottle.

When I attended AA meetings, some people from the 12-step programs would even roll their eyes because one bottle doesn’t put you in company with the “real” drinkers. You’re not in the real alcoholic club if you’re just a garden variety housewife who drinks wine while playing on Facebook. Some people seemed to take pride in their alcoholic antics of days gone by, and enjoy laughing about them.

I always felt uncomfortable in those meetings, and it’s why I never felt I fit into those groups. “Try another meeting,” people advised. You have to keep going until you find the one you like.

I found the one I liked. You have to choose yourself.

[Aside: Please don’t misinterpret this statement. 12-step programs and meetings do work. Just not for me and some others.]

It’s the bottle, not the glass.

Now, I could have said your 5 o’clock glass of wine, but I know what was true for me is probably true for you. I say “bottle” because I know a bottle is where a lot of us women stop drinking each evening, but you still hate yourself in the morning. People say, “well, that’s only 4 or 5 glasses, that’s really not a big deal.” Yet, it is a big deal.

It’s a big deal if you’ve told yourself you can make a bottle last two nights, but you polish off the whole thing in one. It’s a big deal if you don’t get anything done the rest of the day. It’s a big deal because even if you don’t really even feel drunk, you’re tunnel-visioned and you’re game is out of whack. I used to sit at my computer, or with a book, or some writing I was doing, and I’d go between my desk and the fridge, glass after glass until the bottle was gone. On a few occasions I’d open a second bottle, even though that was my personal taboo. I’d do this every night and tell myself the next morning, “Well, Jen, that was stupid, as usual. Don’t you know any other tricks?”

That’s what makes one bottle a big deal. Because that one bottle gets in the way of your commitments to yourself. It makes you feel like you have no self control and that you’re a liar, when that couldn’t be further from the truth! The truth is that you have so much integrity and self control, you’re probably looking at that “one bottle” as a small snatch of relief from all your responsibilities.

Find what’s true for you.

What do you believe? Do you believe that once you quit your wine habit, people in your life will fall in place exactly as you imagine? If so, you’ve overestimated your powers over others, my friend! (Wink.)

Do you think that when you’re done drinking, your job will be better, your performance in other areas will improve, and you’ll lose all the weight you want? I sincerely hope that’s the case, but I’d guess not.

Will your marriage improve, your reputation go through a transformation, and your productivity return? Possibly, but not right away.

It will be necessary to put in place some new boundaries in order to feel comfy in your skin again. That’s my guess, anyway. Expectations are what got you into this habit, and they (and the lack of them) are what will help get you out. But…

Will you have the immediate opportunity to be kind to your best friend on earth? Yes. Immediately. You can pour all the love out on her because she’s probably ready and deserving of some kindness from you. You’ll like her a lot, too. You’ll see.

It’s IN YOU to do whatever you want to do.

I totally believe in your ability to do life differently than you did yesterday. I’m counting on this because believing in the abilities of people to transform their lives is how I keep faith in the world. I’m pretty sure that the way you manage your business and life can change for the better on a dime!

You’re about to see some radical shifts. Some will surprise you and some will be of your choosing (and those may surprise you, too). You have a lot in common with many other high achieving people, and you’re about to start having more fun and experiencing more peace.

Work: You’re going to lose some clients. You’ll probably decide to fire them, rather than the other way around. You may even switch careers altogether.
Community: You’ll agree to stop attending functions and gatherings that don’t serve you or your kids. Going through the motions stops making sense in the new normal.
Relationships: You may decide to end relationships or contracts, and release yourself from important, identifying roles you built your life around.

Jettisoning these large chunks of your life can be frightening, but exhilarating. It summons all your bravery…

And it requires absolute kindness.

If you’re ready to do this work of kindness toward yourself, then you’re ready to stop having that date with your wine.

It’s my honor to walk with you through this because I’ve navigated these changes myself. As a mom, a business owner, a fitness buff (I worked out harder when I was drinking, by the way, and still didn’t feel or look as good as I do now), and a friend.

You really DO have control over alcohol and yourself. That’s what I believe. The new normal is different because you’re living in true harmony with your body, mind and spirit. But you CAN decide to improve any facet of life you want to improve. Don’t let anyone tell you you have no control. You and I know different.

Let’s schedule a time to talk about these shifts. I have openings for coaching a few professional or entrepreneurial women through the beginning stages of a wine-free wellness trek. It’s a 6-month commitment and total sobriety is not a prerequisite. Just a rigorous desire to explore new ways of doing life and business. Contact me using the form below.

What’s the plan, then?

Listen, I’m not going to insist that you stop drinking wine altogether, or even occasionally. That’s not the point. It’s not even what I do. The point is that there are other things that need your attention, and together we can work on deciphering where your boundaries are, and what you’re willing to change now to move ahead in business and your personal life.

That’s the first real step in attaining total health, and healthy control.

Want to chat? Let’s set aside an hour. You’ve got this.